I’m high, folks. Weed is now legal. I am high right now.

It’s all these screenshots on my phone that will never be requested in a grand jury, never to be viewed and shared via airplay on the tv with guests over and drinks and music, … it’s just nothing at all, it doesn’t exist, none of it exists

The problem—folks—is refrigerators are too big.

I promised myself when I left twitter once it was clear Biden won (11/7/20) that I would no longer be political. But it goes without saying.

Obama should run for senate then be elected speaker of the house

Love the sound of a train in the distance.

If someone tells me they are Christian, I ask them who they hate the most. It’s a reliable sorting method.

It’ll be nice to reach the ‘sinking all ships’ phase of life and no longer give a fuck.

I must’ve missed the ‘Billy Madison’ oral history.

I don't have a lot to say—but then I won't shut up about it.

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