There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.

There once was a old man from Norway -
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled 'what was that'?
that disgruntled old man from Norway!

A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

Excuse me, I think you're a spy.
'Vladivostok and Kremlin, but vy?'
You drink vodka and borshch
Wear a snap-on moustache
And have 'Lenin' tattooed on your thigh

The Queen and the Duke were dismayed,
to find Andy and Koo had once played.
As for Charlie and Ed,
well, enough has been said
'bout the damsels that they might have layed

There once was a man from Lancaster
who, while eating, befell a disaster
his bowels, well loaded
swelled up and exploded
and filled his nice knickers with plaster

There once was a girl named Spears
Who wanted to enlarge her brassieres
she went to get it
and yup you bet it
now its timblerlake and Spears

You can tell from their flickering eyes
And their hats pulled down low in disguise;
Their ridiculous wigs
And their Marlboro cigs
And their over-long macs that they're spies

‘He’ll always be a threat to children’ – Survivor calls for Ireland’s most dangerous rapists to be electronically tagged https://www.byteseu.com/944470/ #AnGardaSiochana #cork #Courts #Crime #dublin #Ireland #limerick #police #Section:News:IrishNews #SinnFein

The inventor from India said
'I made a turbin from butter instead!'
To the Punjab's surprise
When his pancakes arrived
They served them on top of his head

I think the feeling is grand
Of holding my gland in my hand
But what I really want to do
Is become Johnny Apple-goo
And spread my seed all over the land

Those who ignore #judge ignore #limerick.

long ago once in ancient Japan
was a geisha who dressed as a man
her pants were so tight
that they rubbed her just right
when she walked you might say that she ran

Sweet Hester of Leicester's young sister
(I goosed her in Worcester and Bicester)
Was beautiful Julie;
I wooed her in Beaulieu
But mostly in Towcester I kissed 'er

PAASLEED

Ik liet me met Pasen weer foppen,
geen keuteltje kan ik nog droppen,
ik zit op de plee
te persen voor twee,
wat kunnen die eitjes verstoppen.

There once was a girl named Robyn
every night her bed was a bobbin'
the men would take leave
after being quite pleased
and leave Robyn with her body a throbbin

there was a young girl from East Cheam
who crept into the vestry unseen
she took down her knickers
and likewise the vicar's
and said 'how about it old bean